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Post by Lionstar on Jul 7, 2009 14:46:21 GMT -5
Ok this is your first training thread. Just rp you character about anything. Try to be as descriptive as possilbe. And i will give you some tips on how to be better.ok? =] so go ahead. |
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Post by T}{0RNTA|L on Jul 7, 2009 15:18:35 GMT -5
Rain pelts down onto the den. I nudge Flamepaw awake. "Hey i am going to go for a walk want to come?" "No, i am sleeping." i ran out to the woods. My fur was now compleatly soaked. suddenly a leaf moved. a mouse ran out from under it. I went int ohunting crouch and attacked it. Biting its head of and chewing on its bloody insides. Delishos. I senced someone aproaching. I couldn't let anybody know i was gone, i didn't tell a warrior. I dove under a bush. A cat i didn't reconise was walking by. I tried to smell to reconise the cats sent but i couldnt. As soon as the cat passed i ran back to the cammp to tell the others of the other cats presance
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Post by Lionstar on Jul 7, 2009 15:27:51 GMT -5
Not a bad start =]
heres my advice:
Dont jump to certain spots in your rping Ex: Rainpaw was at camp. Then she was in the territory. Its good to explain them as they are walking to their destination. Taking you cat for example. You can say she was sleeping inside the den when she wanted to go out and walk. And so she wakes up her friend, and you could describe his pelt color, his form (is it big, small). The when he says no you can describe her feelings about his answer, and then show her leaving the den (sad, mad etc). Then descibe what she sees, smells,hears as she walking through the territory. Also describe what shes thinking, is she still thinking about Flamepaw or something else?
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Post by T}{0RNTA|L on Jul 7, 2009 16:14:04 GMT -5
Flamepaw, Juniperbelly, and i sat around the strange blue object. Flamepaw is my sister, she is a tortosieshell. Most people think its looks good but i think it looks like the whole clan jumped on her and left stanes on her white pelt. Juniperbelly is our clans newest warrior. She is my and best friend. She is like the 3rd sister of us."What is that thornpaw?" flamepaw asked as she backed away from the strange blue object. Juniperbellyhit it will a paw. It started to roll towards me. I hissed and ran to go next to flamepaw. "I have naver seen it before." i said as i silently freaked out. "Me eather. Juniperbelly said staring off into the distance, "Lets take it hostage and go ask Alderstar." Flamepaw backed up and ran into it. It moved forward several feet. We took turns rolling it till we got back to camp. It hurt my head. Jayeyes the clans uglyes cat (and deputy) ran to great us. "What is that?" he asked in suspision. yeah sure like we would bring anything harmful into camp. "Its a...." we didn't even need to come up with a name for it. Jayeyes interupted us. "It smells of twolegs." i sniffed it with causion. It was a faint smell but it was forsure once owned by a twoleg. "We found it near the frog pond." Juniper told him. "Then twolegs must be in our territory!" jayeyes yelled, "We must go tell Alderstar" couldn't he tell the sent was stale. And are patrols would have seen them before. Why does noone know what this is?
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Post by Lionstar on Jul 7, 2009 16:23:51 GMT -5
Much better! I like that your using your senses in the post. Thats the key to making good posts, but adding the five sense into it.
Advice;
Since I know you have a pretty good hold on using multiple characters why dont you try one with just one? Use Hawkstar for this. He could be potroling his territory, thinking of his past. Anything. Be descriptive! Describe what the territory looks like through his eyes, what scents he can smeel, can he hear birds over head or the whispering of the wind through the trees? Try descibing his body as he walks, does his sholders roll benieth a thin pelt, or does muscle show under his fur when he walks? Descibe everything hes feeling, if he stops to look at something say so. Also feel free to do flashbacks to by puting it in italics [*i] [*/i] so the readers can relate to your character!
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Post by T}{0RNTA|L on Jul 7, 2009 16:49:09 GMT -5
"Tigerfern's patrol has just come back with news." Alderstar said calmly. The ground seemed to rumble as the cats moved around in fear and confusion. "But no fear its just a fox." Flamepool leaned over to me, "Easy for him to say he has nine lives" I just starred off into the distance not paying any atention to the world around me.
To rember ones past is to be reborn as your self. "Thornkit Bouncekit, lets go kill the fox and save the clan" To truely know ones self is to rember. "Okay, i heard Brokenpaw say it was near tall peak" Memory is a wonderful thing. "Come on over here, flamekit and thornkit i smell it!" The past is a presant for the future. The bushes shifted and the wild foxes jumped out attacking Bouncepaw. "Help me!!!" he screamed till the foxes finished him off with one quick bite on the next. Like a cat catches his or her pray the foxes caught theirs. "Come on Flamekit we have to go." Flamekit stood frozen in shock starring at her brothers limp body in the foxes drooling mouth. "NOW." Flamekit suddenly seemed to come out of her deep sleep and ran. I was right on her tail. We weaved in and out of trees and plants to get back to camp. Blazepelt our father and Frozenheart our mother were talking to Alderstar. "...All three of them we need to send out a patrol right away before they get hurt." Frozenheart said with fear. "Yes....Yes.."Alderstar said not paying any attention to the panicking she-cat, "They are right behind you well the two girls." Frozenheard turned around her fur flew through the air like a gust of wind hit her. "Where is your brother?" she asked in panic. We could smell her fear. "He got killed by the fox!" i cried. Frozenheart started to cry. Blazepelt came over to comfort us. Alderstar left to get Mistshimmer our clans medicine cat to come over to check us for signs of shock.
"Thorntail? Thorntail? THORNTAIL?!?!?!?!?" Alderstar yelled. "Hu? yes? what?" i said confused. "You are leading the mission to get the fox out of our territory who else do you want to come with you?"
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Post by Lionstar on Jul 7, 2009 22:34:45 GMT -5
good job! As I always say when in doubt use a flashback that could relate. =] I think thats all for today. We can do this again soon, whenever you want to brush up on some skills.
Also to make a post look neater and nice to read try using these codes.
[*sub][*blockquote][*blockquote]post here[*/sub][*/blockquote][*/blockquote]
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